Linda+Wielfaert

My Column



Unfamiliar Genre Proposal ENGL408 2011W Linda Wielfaert

//__ Why I Am Interested __// I have always admired the wit and wisdom of newspaper columnists. Perhaps now that I’m a grown-up, working professional, and a parent, I have lived enough to ponder the meaning of this life out loud. In the changing sea of 21st Century technology, I am saddened by the death of print media (good old-fashioned paper and ink) and stupified by the abundance of trashy blogs on the internet. In a perfect world, I would like to write for a local news publication, rather than the blogosphere.

//__ What I Know About the Genre __// According to Wikipedia: // A column is a recurring piece or article in a newspaper ////, magazine //// or other publication. Columns are written by columinsts ////. What differentiates a column from other forms of journalism //// is that it meets each of the following criteria: //
 * // It is a regular feature in a publication //
 * // It is personality-driven by the author //
 * // It explicitly contains an opinion or point of view. //

Some types of newspaper columns are: advice column, critic reviews, editorial opinion, gossip, humor, food column, music column, exchange column, book review column, sports column, and feature column.

From my personal experience, columnists who secured syndicated work in major periodicals have typically been middle–aged men with education, work/business experience, and a hefty opinion behind them. I am interested in several types of columns, and perhaps a hybrid of the opinion and a wit/wisdom piece. I am intrigued as to the current debate as to where and how the multi-topic column began. Some give credit to the first bloggers on the web. Others point to local folk heroes, such as Bob Talbert, who wrote a “Monday Moanin” rant in the Detroit Free Press, along with his more traditional opinion column other days of the week.

//Dear Linda:// //I think you have identified the varieties of sub-genres of columns above. I think the tone of the writing is also a choice, such as ranting, logical, satirical, reflective. Columnists make their money by creating the persona their readers want to listen to. A good columnist is worth reading even when you violently disagree with him or her. Think about your persona in this genre.// //Bill//

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Unfamiliar Genre User’s Guide and Bibliography ENGL408 2011W Linda Wielfaert

//__ A User’s Guide to Writing a Column __// There seems to be assorted and varied advice for writing a column. Perhaps because the column is a vast genre of so many subcategories and variations. Or, because the people who write them are the experts in having strong opinions and unique voices. Lacking these, why would we want to spend our valuable time to read about someone else’s day? As I’ve sifted through hundreds of published pieces, most have held my attention as the reader. Some more than others. Personal experience and opinion shapes the writer’s product, just as it shapes the reader’s commitment. In a short column, this may create a more intense relationship than other genres. And if a column appears on recurring schedule, that relationship drives the reader to open right to page B2 on Friday. In a nutshell, I think these are the steps to writing a successful (and hopefully publishable) column.

1. Find your voice, or persona, for your unique writing. Life experience will determine what the writer can relay to the reader. Tone, language choice, local style, first person perspective and appropriate emphasis will determine how the message is delivered. Making it personal is what makes it interesting. Column writing is distinctly different from straight news writing. Once a columnist has found her true voice, I think she can write in all sub-genres; be it humor, opinion, or persuasion. In today’s mass-media world, the lines are blurred.

2. Express your opinon. A watered down opinion is like fresh water in a milk-crusted glass. Folks want to hear an informed or sometimes just plain entertaining opinion. It’s part of that “we’re all trying to make sense of our world” thing that humans do. Either way, give the people what they need to continue to the second paragraph. Talk to the reader as you would a friend.

3. Pick a topic that is timely, relevant, and unconventional. A thought provoking topic is usually about something unpopular, but true, important to somebody, important to you the writer, and yet little discussed. A chin scratcher like Dave Barry’s “The Idiot’s Guide to Art” will keep even the reluctant reader engaged. Beating a dead horse on overdone news topics won’t work for long, unless you can bring it back into the present.

4. Defy common writing advice to “write for yourself.” A gifted columnist can cover many sides of a topic, and still find a way to reel the reader in, whether or not he shares the opinion. The trick is to create the interest, and feed the mind of the reader.

5. Keep it simple. Average Joe language is much more likely to draw the reader’s attention than highfalutin terminology. Column length can be from 200 words to 800 words. Choose concise, descriptive, and loaded words to make every word carry more weight. Short blasts of bone-chilling adjectives make Richard Roeper’s walk in the snow storm delightful for readers from all walks of like, in any part of the world.

6. Grow a tough skin. Writing a column is a bit like sitting naked on the porch. Over time, your readers will know you inside out, warts and all. Marketing your writing to a publisher or media source seems like the hardest job of all. Everybody has an opinion, but we only listen to a select few. Finding the proper outlet for your wisdom may be much harder than putting it to paper.

//Dear Linda: You can delete this after reading. The suggestions above are very wise. I like especially the critique of "write for yourself," because there is too much self-indulgent writing that never makes the newspaper, because the writer was just rambling or ranting without regard for the reader. I speak from personal disappointments. At the same time, a unique perspective can attract readers//, //so that's what you have to create.// So far, so good. Bill

//__ Bibliography __//

Andrews, Clinton. “Opposing Points of View: Item Pricing Law Protects Michigan Consumers From Being Ripped Off.” //The Detroit Free Press// 3 Feb. 2011.

Barry, Dave. “A Million Words.” //The Miami Herald,// n.d. Web. 2 Feb 2011.

Barry, Dave. “The Idiot’s Guide to Art.” //The Miami Herald// 18 Jan 2004.

Barry, Dave. “Traffic Woes.” //The Miami Herald// 17 Oct 2004.

Dickerson, Brian. Governor Recognizes Data on Employee Compensation Doesn’t Say It All.” //The Detroit Free Press,// 3 Feb. 2011.

Finley, Nolan. “State Retirees Don’t Deserve Special Status.” //The Detroit News// 3 Feb. 2011.

Frownfelder, David. “Cleaning Away the First Month of 2011.” //The Daily Telegram// 24 Jan. 2011.

Hornstein, Dave. “Add Levels of Common Sense to Drunken Driving Laws.” //The Detroit Free Press.// Freep.com. Web. 3 Feb. 2011.

Nemko, Marty. “How I Write My column.” //Martynemko.com,// n.d. Web. 2 Feb. 2011.

Payne, Henry. “With Energy Czar Gone, Michigan Wins.” //The Detroit News// 3 Feb. 2011.

Roeper, Richard. “Walk in Storm Showed a Different Side.” //Chicago Sun Times// 3 Feb. 2011.

Smith, Barry. “To Write A Column.” //Barry Smith’s Irrelativity.// Irrelativity.com, n.d. Web. 2 Feb. 2011.

Trapani-Scott, Christina. “Just Taking Stock of All That Happened in 2010.” //The Tecumseh Herald Online// [Tecumseh, MI]. Web. 30 Dec. 2010.



Paper 3 Unfamiliar Genre Column 1 renamed Gadgets Galore final ENGL408 2011W Linda Wielfaert

Humor Column __ Gadgets Galore: Is This Progress? __

I miss the days of Franklin Planners. When I could glance at the day ahead and mange my time accordingly. Prioritizing tasks, mid-morning meetings, quick lunch, afternoon paperwork, and looking forward to kids and family activities in the evening. One look was all it took to burn the basic schedule into my mental calendar. Everything was in order. No buttons, no cursor, no bleeting phone or accidental La Cucaracha blaring out from a pocket needed to remind me to check and double check where I was supposed to be. Really, I’m a grown-up now. No need to get pushy. 5 steps getting to the calendar function on my cell phone is just 4 too many. And since I didn’t write them on paper, I rarely remember the entries. So, 5 more steps…

After the journey from the land of peace and quiet, I enter the city where gadgets are king. I can’t even mindlessly board the commuter bus these days without identifying myself as just a cheesy photo and a number at a large institution. And on cold days, getting that card out of my bag is no easy task. My crotchety fingers are not very nimble at 5 degrees F. There no longer exists a day without electronic devices rearing their metallic heads. They have taken over life as we knew it. If it doesn’t beep, zoom or blip, surely it can’t be useful.

Although I’ve tried to make peace, I still don’t like the idea of being reachable at any moment in my day. I don’t really want a cell phone. It comes in handy when I can’t find my husband in the field. But, I truly don’t need it for social fulfillment. Originally it was for emergencies- on a cheap prepaid TracPhone. Now it’s mushroomed into multiple daily calls. Calls to “check in,” get a quick grocery list, or double check the time of my daughter’s 4-H meeting or the boys’ game.

And don’t call me when you know I’m driving- you know my aversion to voicemail. Perfect. Now 3 more clicks to find out that you found out I wasn’t available and you have really nothing to say but wanted to chat anyway. For many years, I commuted to the city without a phone and lived to tell. Now that I can afford a AAA card, I no longer need young legs and a short skirt in case of car troubles. And frankly, there are a lot of other fun things we could do with $140 a month. So… why do I check and double check for that little box in my pocket during my busy day? We’re brainwashed. That’s all I can make of it.

Despite my efforts, even my sheltered kids don’t know a peaceful existence. We try to teach them the basics, take relaxing vacations, and show them at least a couple of the wonders of the world. But they crave time with the Dog game on the computer, big sister’s iPod, and the game on my cell phone. And, last summer when we the good fortune to see the splendors of Yellowstone, why were we panicked to receive no cell signal? No service was a blessing- until the 12 year old spouted, “My phone has service at the top of the mountain.” Thank goodness my sons like to play checkers with Dad, and we’ve rediscovered Monopoly. No calculators allowed.

On the commuter bus the other day, a cutesy student with a pink glittery phone and Uggs fell right on top of me while texting and walking down the aisle to a seat. A full-frontal uninvited hug, mind you. That’s just a bit too cozy for me- and more than enough cheap perfume. Was her text conversation really THAT important? I’d bet not. But, she was consumed. So much so, that she barely mumbled I’m sorry and continued texting. That must have been a doozy of a conversation- or her mother scolding her for not being somewhere on time. I should have thrown my old planner at her. -end-